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Unimaginable impressions of others unto me would undoubtedly propel if they would try to scrutinize what is me in the real sense. Like philosophy, the real way to understand me is to be confronted with my curiosities, to somehow emulate my ways and to get acquainted with the people that have influenced and changed me a lot.With that, I bet, you’d know me better if you’ll continue reading my journal Last December 26-30. I’d faced questions and statements that I need to supply as I attended an annual retreat of the organization I am affiliated into (Legion of Mary Choir). And here are some of those:

What time is it now in my life?

And I say, I can feel that I’m now in the mid-morning of my life. Like I’m sixteen years old and I deserved to be in this time of my life. I chose this for this is nothing but the explicit time that me and you are both seeing. We all know that in this time, the zeal, enthusiasm and interest to do things is at its peak. We are full of strength by this time for we have just taken our breakfast just bit moments or minutes from the early morning.

In this stage of my life, I do things timely without the thought of getting a rush polishing of the things I am entitled to do and finish though it must be really the thing that I must do every day being a legionary- that my first duty is to attend weekly meeting punctually and regularly, that I’m a soldier of the Blessed Virgin Mary and I must fight those wicked lies and hoax teachings of other sects that Mother Mary is nothing but only a person like us which is wrong for she is the mother of God. Is it not that, that counts a lot?

It is too soon for me to achieve my dreams and aspirations in life. I used to toil and work hard in every activity of mine that deals with having a good mark in a subject or I am simply like a kid who got a 5 star from a teacher for a good, aah! no, not a good but an excellent piece- then surely like a kid, I will wait for a magnanimous award or prize at the end of the academic year. By the way, I am not expecting for a big amount but more of that. And what then is more of money? It is but a good and abundant life with a stable job.

It is too late for me to change my path with a rooted cause in the past. Those things that I really regret for doing it... for pleasing the people like my lolo who just died in my grade school years already. I can’t go back to the past and kiss him, hug him and tell him that I love him very much and I know now that it is too late to say that. He can’t hear it anyway; I don’t know if he can but my point is that “I love you” is better to be heard personal which is impossible to a corpse heedless inside his coffin.

It is early for me to think and worry for my future. As what has Rev. Fr. +Joel Randymar Presilda Arreza (Jojo said), 

We must therefore live today. And in connection to this,

It is just the right time for me to make sorry for all those I have sinned, to thank for the people who make good to me and to love those who loved me without expecting for a return and it is just the right time for me to sanctify my daily duty.

What is being born in my life now?

There is born in my life the maturity of understanding myself and the other creature of the world like you. We have different attitudes yet I still endure to be with you (speaking towards my fellows at church). Though I feel being like underestimated just because I act like this hypersensitive then you’ll say bitter words against me.. bro and sis, dili paman pod ko ingun ana katigulang oyy, I still want to make fun of my life, I think there is still a need for me to act like this and that. Just understand me please. So, what is born to me is that to do not worry for the other people’s reactions and comments about me. For if I am to obey what they want me to be, It is not me anymore. He who is pleasing in your eyes then is not April Al Ian Tii Jacob. Dili nah na siya ako tawun.

What is Dying or dead in my life?

Like what I have said, I am already in the mid morning and I’m getting into the noon time, wherein the Ian Tii Jacob there is thought to be more responsible already.

I am mourning for the recently passed and ratified bill that will be included in the Philippines statutes. I am mourning for those who are in the power that they can’t comprehend the voice of the people and of the church; that they can’t see themselves opening the box of Pandora, wherein immorality, diabolical disorientations and grievous sins are there.

With that,

I fear for the future of the new generation. For the future kids of the kids of my kids. Thank you.

Thanks to:

Ate Inday Novices, my RETREAT MASTER

Br. Bryan Gomez, my leader

And to my fellow legionaries.

I hope that this blog help you understand me.